On Sunday night I decided it was cold enough to bring my best coat out of the closet. So I take it out and I immediately know something is wrong because with it comes out a small cloud of feathers. A hole. No, several holes and down removed by rodents. A lot of holes and some and some are sizeable. The coat cannot be saved unless I like walking around looking like some kind of unfortunate clown covered with patches. I went immediately to my computer and ordered a new coat online. Fortunately the website I like best for warm coats is having a half price sale. Now I have to hope for temperate weather until the coat arrives from the U.S.
But come the morning and I turn on my tab to find I am not connected to the Internet because the electricity went out.. Damn. My Internet is out. So I cannot check mail, the news, the weather. I try to reset it but it refuses. Happened like this before so I know calling my cable provider doesn't help much. I get to school and my tab automatically connects with the school's server. A message jumps out at me and my heart falls. It is an obituary announcement for my cousin Gary. Now, strangely enough I have two cousins named Gary but it is a long explanation and he also has cancer. It is the older one, who is not even three years older than me. I was told he has cancer when I was home 18 months ago but that he was doing well. His daughter Samantha got married this summer and she posted pictures of the wedding, especially the ones with her dancing with her dad, Gary, were really geat. He looked so good I though wow, he must be doing really well. He died on December 3rd. December 3rd is usually the worst day of the year for me. My mother died in a car accident on December 3, 1986. 32 years later, this year, for the first time, I didn't dread its approach or even notice it until the day after. The grief previously had been so hard and intense that November usually made me depressed leading up to her death anniversary, and now my cousin has to share this day of sadness. All the other incidents I work through without skipping a beat but news of Gary's death is the one that knocks it out of me, I was in class doing the attendance and I didn't make a sound but I couldn't stop the tears. Even as I write this. Because I am so far away I grieve alone andthat is harder. My family shares stories about the deceased and the memories helps us deal with the pain.